Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
