i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
