they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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