So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
