Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
