i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
