quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Terrible idea I love it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
