birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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