Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
