her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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