god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
