Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
