The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
