I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
