If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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