Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i will never coherently bang her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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