I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
