"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
