grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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