Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
