My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
