not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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