I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She needs sedatives and a leash
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
