she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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