I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
