i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
