I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
