Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
