...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
