I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
