some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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