allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
