I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
