They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
