I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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