Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
