This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
