After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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