ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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