he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
