You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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