The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
