i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
