i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
