We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
