So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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