Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
