I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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