I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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