my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
