I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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