Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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