Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
