when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
