They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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