Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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